I believe there are many times in a persons life where situations and events are thrown at you and you are given two choices. To face them head on or hastily run in the other direction. It is the latter which is a deep pity as the chance to prove how courageous you could be is thrown away in the midst of it all.
Finding the courage to do something can be very difficult, some find it more challenging than others and I’ve had my fair share of times when I’ve had to fight the urge to run away from my fears. Thankfully, I’ve always ended up choosing to face them head on. I can recall thousands of times through the past nineteen years of my life, fighting those fears everyday caused by the struggles of a deep sated anxiety from particular life situations. It was only during my year between turning nineteen and twenty, last June, that I managed to conquer that atrocious curse called ‘anxiety’.
It’s something that is difficult to truly understand unless you, yourself have personally experienced such a feeling. I can only hope that those reading this can not quite emphasize with such a life because it has not been experienced. However, if you have found yourself suffering from anxiety, know that it is possible to overcome this. I know because I have now been anxiety free for almost two years. Something, which is a big deal for one such as myself who had anxiety attacks every single morning before school, without fail for 14 years and at one point, struggled to even buy something at the corner shop.
I’ve always been deeply in love with animals- like that wasn’t clear through my constant mention of being vegan on this blog. I can sit and admire every creature that walks this earth but there’s a more emotional connection towards birds. My grandad had a bit of obsession with birds, something I have later realized had a stronger psychological meaning but let’s not get onto that tangent. I loved this man very much- he was my father figure- and I adored that we could share this love for birds together. He would show me his wonderful bird sketches and being an aspiring, (future) artist, I appreciated his work. I still have his encyclopedia bird book sitting on my bedroom shelf. When my anxiety would get really bad, sometimes I’d look up into the sky, watch the birds fly over me with their magnificent wings spread out, flapping through the air… and then I’d feel calm again.
The anxiety would slowly fade and that overwhelming fear would disappear. A wonderful sense of tranquility would wash over me.
Birds remind me of freedom and to be stronger. Most of these creatures that fly above us are so small, they look so fragile, yet they face the unforgiving storms and powerful winds with an admirable strength and courage. They don’t give up and the believe in their own force of nature. It’s this fact that allowed me to somewhat manage my anxiety and helped me face some of my fears. On a more personal note, they also remind me of my grandad and I like to think that when those birds fly over me just before I would have an anxiety attack that he was there, reminding me to be strong.
” ’cause I’m as free as a bird now and this bird cannot change. “
I’m not one for such sappy blog posts or to share those personal, emotionally harnessed stories but I think it’s important to be more open with all my sweet Wildlings. Simply looking at birds didn’t magically eliminate my anxiety, it was much more complex than that. A battle that lasted years and I never thought I’d be able to sit here and honestly say that it no longer crashes into my life unannounced. I haven’t seen it in 20 months and I’m certain I never will again.
I chose to fly around for this shoot wearing my wings proudly. Thankful that I could show them off so literally with this beautifully printed blouse, paired with these incredible lace up jeans-I’ve had them for years and still fawn over the calf detail. Moreover, they match the blouse perfectly, bringing emphasis to the collar of wings; a symbol of my mental strength, a reminder to face my fears and a message for my dear Wildlings to never give up.
Your wings already exist, all you have to do is fly.
Blouse: ASOS Shirt with Double Pocket and Tickly Collar
Jeans: ASOS High Waist Ultra Skinny Jeans with Lace Back Detail
Boots: Suedette black heeled ankle boots
Earrings: Diamond Heart drop earrings